My show closed the night the world was supposed to end. We joked because we went on at midnight, should we warm up? As many of you know, the world did not end on Friday/Saturday. But with the closing of my show, a new world began for me: my commitment to myself.
I’m a writer and director. “Writer” is a huge umbrella term for me since I do sketch, screenwriting, and novels. Sketch has greatly improved my confidence as a writer and I’m very grateful for that. I’ve said I’m a screenwriter and novelist–I’d like to step into those identities more. I’m still doing sketch and have a show in the works, but I’d like to exhaust these other dreams.
Earlier in the week, I did an intuition exercise. It sounds oxymoronic (how do you practice intuition?) but it was a lot of fun. I felt a lot like my own personal Ouija board. I don’t remember the question, but the answer shocked me awake out of my fun. It said “Write books.” The next day a story came to me so intact and real I wrote most of it. The rest hangs next to me reminding me it needs to be written. Take me my time, but it needs to be written.
I’m still writing a screenplay because I don’t listen very well 🙂 but I’m working on the novel. I made a promise to myself to send it out to publishers and representation, against all knowledge I have (publishers are in trouble, there’s no money, places are folding) I’m going to do it. I can self publish after that.
The major commitments I’ve made are to myself for my well-being and personal evolution. I’m taking radical responsibility to be the heroine in my life, to make sure I show up as the person I need to be. I’m setting boundaries, working on communication, loving and appreciating myself.
Sometimes it seems silly, but I’m tired of certain things repeating. This is a way of cleaning the CD so the song can progress.