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I’ve taken a bit of a sabbatical from blogging because life happened and I let myself get overwhelmed.

I went to the Chicago Screenwriters Network tonight. They meet once a month and have wonderful speakers. I always leave feeling rejuvenated and excited to write and that out side helping hand has been what I needed.

One of the speakers tonight is a working writer and professor at Columbia and Northeastern, Joe Keefe. He worked with Tina Fey. She’s a talented woman and I know you can’t teach talent. He knew that too but one thing he thought she did was reinvent herself in order to get to the level she needed to be. That resonated with me. I’m not great at reinventing myself and don’t believe I need a huge overhaul, but I need to change the way I treat myself, which in a way is a huge overhaul and can have huge ramifications on your life.

I do drive to the city which can get tedious but I really enjoy thinking on my way home. Well, I got lost on my way home. I used to have a GPS and it saved my life many a day. It made it out to Philadelphia and I guess it decided to stay. I lost it. So I had a little more time to think on my way home from the city.

I knew I was going to correct direction. I know the city. I could feel I was heading in the correct direction. I knew this street at some point had an entrance to the Kennedy. I pulled over and used my phone to look up directions just in case.

I followed the directions and enjoyed my scenic tour de Chicago. I passed the Neo Futurists and toyed with staying for a show. I ended up in Ravenswood outside a friend’s house and toyed with knocking on his door and telling him his girlfriend (who is convinced we’re having an affair) would have to deal with it, I was spending the night. I kept going on the road the directions recommended. The street I was supposed to turn right on never showed up. But I knew I was going to right direction and I’d find what I was looking for. Sure enough, signs for the Kennedy appeared and I was all set. As I waited to merged, I realized my excursion was a metaphor for my life.
I know where I’m going, I just need to have faith I will get there. I always afraid I’m not doing the right thing or going the right way so I take more detours to assure myself and end up getting where I need to be a little later. I trusted my sense of direction and ended up on the expressway.

I had a tape of Peter Pan when I was little, a recording of the musical not the Disney version. And there was a point in the show where Tink (represented by a spotlight) flutters into a doll house and slowly begins to dim. Peter tells you she’s dying and the only way to save her is to believe. She (because Peter was played by a woman) looks into the camera and implores you to clap your hands to show you believe. No matter how many times I watched that show, every time I clapped my hands and every time I was convinced I helped bring Tink back to life (I knew it wasn’t just me– there were other people watching the show elsewhere. I’m sure they clapped.)

Believing in yourself and your abilities sometimes feels like believing in Tinkerbell or Santa Claus. It may feel stupid and childish. There’s a difference between being honest with yourself and being hurtful.

I need to clarify where I’m going and stick with it.

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