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At my gym, we don’t have locker rooms. If you want to wear work out clothes you need to either arrive in them or use the bathrooms. I come from work where they frown upon changing from business casual to uber casual so I change at the gym.

I do this relatively new thing, hasn’t been around for a while. It’s called knocking. I knock on the closed door of the bathroom to see if it’s occupied so I don’t walk in on anyone’s work in progress before they’re ready to show it off.

I know this is a new concept because when I’m in the bathroom changing, people will try the door handle and crash into the door because they expect it to just open. Instead of thinking it’s locked, someone must be in there, they attempt to break off the handle and throw their body against it. If they were that persistent with changing their body, they would have reached their goals by now. One man got the manager and insisted no one was in there. The occupant locked the door and then left the room. The windowless, tile-covered, cinderblock room. Because one of the stipulations of membership is being an illusionist.

My personal favorite is after I knock and hear no reply, I try the door and it’s locked. We’re all adults here. Use your voice. I’d even settle for an exasperated breath and a glare you can feel through the door. They can hear me–I’ve learned to knock like some medieval enforcer come to collect someone for the gallows. I picture the person inside freezing mid-change and staring wide eyed at the door. Is this it? Will they find me? It’s been a good run.

So if you’re in a bathroom changing clothes and you hear someone knock, let’s make a joke of it, shall we?

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Hurry up.

Hurry up who?

You. I have a training session in 15 minutes.

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